Too Funny to Be Embarrassed

I was in Home Depot the other day buying paint, and while the guy was mixing it I went to the restroom. I had my little dog with me because she’s like a loaf of marble rye tucked under my arm almost everywhere I go like a fur handbag.

Anyway, about the time I went into the door, the phone rang and it was my husband returning my call, and since I couldn’t wait and I didn’t want to play phone tag with him, I told him the reason for the call as I rushed into the stall. Usually I can continue holding the dog and go to the bathroom too – don’t ask me how, just trust me. But since I had the cell phone in the other hand, I had to put the dog down.

My husband did what he does better than anything in the world. He started a fight. “What do you mean you want granite for the countertop? What happened to laminate?”

“My cousin Nancy says we should get a piece of scrap granite and use that.”

“I’m about sick of your cousin Nancy. That will cost $100 a square foot.”

“Not if we have John install it.”

“This is getting me all distressed.”

“You’re never anything but distressed.”

Right then I heard a scream two stalls down, followed by, “You’re a little dog, holy shit you scared the crap out of me. I thought you were some kind of rodent.”

I burst out laughing because it had not occurred to me that the dog would wander several stalls down and that there would be someone else in the bathroom, no doubt listening intently to me calling my husband names, and then totally off guard, look down and see a small black furry creature pop under the stall that immediately jumped up on her legs wanting to get pet because that’s what the dog does best in the whole wide world, and this woman with her pants hanging down around her knees – I couldn’t help but laugh – I’m laughing right now all over again.

“I’m so sorry,” I said. I heard my husband’s voice in the cell phone say, “Well that’s a first.”

“Not you,” I snapped.

“It’s sure a cute little dog,” the woman in the stall said. “But he gave me quite a fright.”

“It’s a girl,” I said.

“Who’s a girl?” my husband asked.

“I’ll call you back,” I said and hung up.

I finished my mission, called the dog, and ran out of the bathroom before the other woman could see me, although I don’t know what good that would do if she came across me in the aisle with that dog tucked under my arm. She would have probably guessed it was me. Luckily my paint was done and I could bolt without running into her.

Embarrassing as they are, I love those crazy times when there’s a confluence of circumstances that give me a few deep belly laughs. I should have sought that woman out and thanked her.