I Vote for Fewer Elections

Does it seem like to you that we’re always voting on something for our state government? If not, then you must live in one of the 49 states or territories that isn’t Oregon.

I don’t know why they call them special elections, either. They’re more like perpetual elections. It seems like I’m getting a ballot in the mail on a monthly basis year round. The one occurring right this second is a vote for Measure 66 and 67. You may have guessed that they have something to do with raising taxes.

I’m not familiar with either bill. Politics give me a headache. So does listening to people trying to convince me to vote for their cause on TV. Generally they say that we’ll all be in the poorhouse if we don’t vote how their way, and it doesn’t matter which side they’re on.

I had dinner with my brother, mother-in-law, husband and our kids a couple of nights ago. One of us, and I can assure you it wasn’t me, brought up this latest election and all hell broke loose. I exaggerate, but I like using that term. Let’s just say the discussion warmed up as people’s views were presented. I stayed out of it, not knowing the particulars, and besides with that bunch you can’t win so why waste your breath.

My daughter thought we should vote for the increase because she’s got 45 students in her French class and the teacher is so overwhelmed that no one is learning anything, which is pretty sad for an advanced high school language class. My brother, who never willingly parts with a dime, was against it, although he doesn’t even live in Oregon so won’t be voting. My son said the whole thing was stupid, which covered both sides, and my husband and his mom were against raising the taxes. I watched them bickering back and forth until finally my husband was trying doing something with his arm and accidently banged his fist so hard on the table that French fry baskets flew up in the air. Our waiter rushed right over, looking scared, and asked, “Can I help you with something, sir?”

It gave us all a heart attack, and by the time we recovered, everyone had forgotten what they were talking about. Thank goodness.

I get calls all day long from volunteers wanting me to vote against the bill. They ask if I’ve turned in my ballot (no), am I going to vote against the bill (I haven’t decided), oh, then was I aware that people will lose jobs if it passes? I cut in after awhile and tell them I’ll study the bill and make up my mind soon and thanks for calling. They say, “Well, um, okay, we just hope you’ll consider all the jobs that will be lost if this bill passes, and a…if you need any more information…” then they ramble some more as if both of us have nothing better to do.

My son and husband would hang up on them, if they ever answer the phone, which they don’t. I used to work in an office where people came in the evening to do cold calling and schedule appointments. They were nice people just trying to make a living, so I always think of them and try to be polite. As luck would have it, the batteries are dead in the set of portable phones I bought a couple of years ago. They are the only phones that have caller ID. I was thrifty and ordered replacement ones off the Internet. They were cheap, and it was could have been a scam since I haven’t heard boo in a few days. Where were they coming from, Egypt? Someone probably took my credit card number and is on the way to Hawaii.

With another week of this election to go, I don’t know how I’ll stand it. Maybe I’ll stay up late tonight and fill in my ballot. Naw, I’m exhausted from answering the phone all day. Maybe I’ll just record an answer on my machine: If you are calling to get me to vote for Measures 66 and 67, press 1. If you are calling to get me to vote against Measures 66 and 67, press 2. If you are calling to ask me if I need to refinance my home, press 3. If you are calling to give me a free week in Vegas if I’ll come to your 90-minute timeshare presentation, press 4. If you are calling….I could keep going to about number 69, then I can say, “If you’re a friend and calling to chit chat, please call me on my cell phone. You know the number. Hope you have a nice day!”