My Dog Meets a Segue

I wrote a few days ago about my dog wee-weeing on me during a trip to the beach because she had a bladder infection. At least I think I did – I’ve told the story so many times maybe I just think I wrote it.

That’s the thing about telling stories – and listening to them, too. If you’re with someone else who has a good, newsy story to tell, you end up having to listen to it over and over every time you run into someone new. Gets old.

The person telling the story soon loses track of who they’ve seen and who they’ve told the story to. I try to avoid repeating stories to people by telling a line or two and then saying, “Have I told you this already?” That way the person can quickly get out of hearing it again. I am considerate in this way. Paradoxically, I can be a bee-otch in so many other ways. It’s a conundrum - I think (does anyone know what conundrum means?)

Some people don’t seem to care if you’ve heard the story a million times before. Once some of them get going with a story it’s like trying to stop a runaway train with a kitten. The train is going to plow straight through and the kitten isn’t going to have much to say about it.

But don’t worry, the kitten will be okay. It will hunker down and grab its little claws into the railroad tie and hang on until the entire train passes – all 2,000 cars. The kitten will walk away unscathed and hope it never ends up on THAT particular railroad track again. But it will, if it’s got an elderly relative who can’t hear well and calls to tell the same stories over and over and the kitten CANNOT get a word in edgewise. The kitten has even gone so far as to lay the phone down and taken a leisurely bubble bath and then come back and picked the phone back up to find that the story still isn’t over yet, and during the kitten’s intermission the elderly relative never noticed the kitten was even gone.

Some might say this is a naughty little kitten to lay the phone down, but I say “No harm, no foul,” in this particular case. Especially since the kitten tried more than once to derail the train and was completely ignored or not heard – the kitten couldn’t tell which.

DISCLAIMER: All kittens appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real kittens, living or dead, is purely coincidental. That goes for elderly relatives, too.

After you’ve told a story a few times it’s like reading a script (and when I say “you” I mean “me” but that would look stupid to say, “After me’ve told a story…”) Okay, okay, okay, I’m grasping at humor, here. Actually, that’s not true, I’m in a very playful, humorous mood right now and I find these little silliness’s quite entertaining. I’m also flicking my finger up and down over my lips and making “blub, blub, blub, blub, blub,” sounds that are annoying my dog. What fun!

Speaking of my dog, that’s what this whole story is about, so I’m glad I’ve come back full circle like a (“ah-hem”) dog chasing its tail. (I can segue with the best of ‘em.)

Speaking of segue…..just kidding.

Although I do love a seque but I always type it using a q. Then it gets underlined in red and I think, “Stupid MS Word doesn’t know that seque is a word yet.” I myself just discovered the word a year or two ago and had to Google it to see how it was spelled. That was fun. Segway. Segweigh. Cegway. Psegway. Google finally said, “Did you mean segue, moron?” And I said, “I don’t know, jerk head, because that doesn’t look anything like the way it should be spelled and you might be MAKING IT UP, you freaking anal crevice.”

Google did NOT like that, and we started wrestling in mouse-to-computer combat. I almost got the upper hand, (get it, my hand on the mouse, yuk, yuk, yuk), but my Mac stepped in and closed Safari and said we both had to go to our rooms for a time-out until we cooled off.

Now we’re all friends again. And besides, there wasn’t much to tell about the dog peeing on me that can’t wait until I see you again.